I'm not sure if I stopped wanting to be so stubborn before or after my friend gave up on waiting for the guy she likes to come around to her. I supported her in her endeavor, though I wanted not for her to date someone who uses women so superfluously.
Well, what's worse than having an impatient mind and a steadily impatient heart is one that wants to find suitable traits in a brother-figure friend.
God, I feel so.... confused. I don't want to like more than one person at a time, and I most certainly do not want to like someone who's a brother figure to me. That's practically incest of a spiritual, psychological, and many other ways.
I wish that things would go back to the way they were in July. Especially since July was nice and cool. (Crazy California weather, m'dears.)
I just needed to vent somewhere that wouldn't be seen by people who know who that brother figure is. This isn't the first time my mind thought he would make a suitable mate--- quickly those thoughts died after periods of not talking to him. I mena, it's just another male friend that I know online. 'Cept he's +1 hour the guy I currently like, thus farther away. For a fiscally disadvantaged person, this helps keep away the thoughts suggesting something so... incestuous.
Sucks, I don't want to stop talking to a big brother just because of some mental issue of mine.
And fearing self-exploration of the newly found heart does not help any one bit. I'm afraid that I'll find out what my mind already knows that which I suppress.
Anyone into Dragon Cave?
Visit my scroll
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